The Past..

I have never agreed with the saying,

Don’t look back to the past

Just look to the future ahead you..

Every now and then, I always look back to the past..

The good ones..

Just for the nice feeling you’ll get inside..

The bad ones..

To evaluate..

What could I have done better

What could I have avoided

Not for regreting it..

But to learn from it..

Don’t get to carried away by it..

Don’t get distracted by it..

Just take a good glimpse..

And move forward..

That's Just Me..

Every time I make friends with others..

I’m this type of friend:

1. I’m fun!! Whenever they want to have fun, count me in!!

2. I’ll do everthing that I can, when I think it’s the right thing to do, if they ask for it..

3. I don’t meddle up with anyone business..unless they ask me to..

4. I don’t judge..they’re free to do anything that they like and I won’t mind..but don’t expect me to join if I don’t feel to..

5. They’re my priority after my family, and my work..Most of the time, if it’s possible, I’ll juggle them..

I’ll know right away, who’ll click with me..

And if I know they won’t, I won’t get close..

or someone will get hurt sooner or later..

Problems come when they think they’re close with me..

and expects me to do stuffs that they consider what friends should do to each other..

which most of time is stuffs that I don’t do..

and friends of mine will know right away that I don’t do such things..

those are the ones who will last forever..

Thanks guys!! for sticking up with me all this time..

and my apologies for the ones those I hurt along the way unintentionally or not..

Popularity..

I have never got the popularity material

Since I was a kid until now, at least, I’ve always think myself as someone that hasn’t got it to be popular..
I’ve never enjoyed being on the spotlight, I guess..
For me, being popular means you have to maintain your assets that made you popular..

If you’re popular because your pretty, it means you have to maintain to look pretty all the time..
meaning no bad hair days are allowed, touch ups and powdering your nose every now and then, keeping up with the latest fashion,..

or if you’re popular because you’re smart, it means you have to maintain your scores, always prepared with the best answers whenever the teacher or friends ask about something, loads of courses,..

and if you’re popular in sports, it means you have to maintain your achievements, always be in shape, miss some of the lesson or other time because of sports competitions,..

Those kinda things are just too much for me..
Too much burden..
Too much responsibility..
Or maybe,
I just don’t have the ability to do all that and making excuses about them..
Or..I’m not dilligent enough to do the maintainance

My friends and families, who knows me that well, knows..
Well, by now, you’ll know..
I’m a very laid back..relaxed person..
I just go with the flow, do the right thing, or at least, what I think is right, and try my best with everything that I do..
And let the universe do the rest..
let God decide..

Praying and believing that everything that will turn out is the way that we have to go through..
Good or Bad..

If it’s good, Alhamdulillah..
And be satisfied for all the effort that I’ve gone through
and Whenever things go wrong, which they often do, I won’t be stressed out, panicking and everything..

So, popularity for me..
besides it’s not important..
I’m also not cut for it
Never was, never have been, never am, and never want to..

And I turned out just fine
Perfectly happy with what I have achieved..
No regrets..

*A mom’s thought after her oldest son, a fifth grader, shared his feelings about him against the popular kids..a bringing him up well in progress..*

Ikhlas..

I don’t know the exact word in English..

I don’t even know if it’s originally Indonesian..
I think it’s adapted from Arabic

Until 3 months ago..
I’d always thought that it meant
Truly acceptance
accepting something truly, without pretencious, without any grudge, without any motives behind it..

Then 3 months ago..
I heard it from someone very respectful..
And it sounded very logical..
Because if it’s not logical, for me,
It will sound fake..
Ikhlas does mean all of the above..accepting something truly, without pretencious, without any grudge, without any motives behind it..
But..the key to be able to do all that is, that you have to believe that it’s in God’s plan that something happens..
And everything happens for a reason..no coincidence

That’s why, when you do that, you’re doing it gladly, big heartedly..
because it’s based on your faith and trust..in God..
how hard, how difficult the thing is..

It’s as simple as that..
Just be Ikhlas!!
Good Luck!..
Bismillahirohmanirrahim..

Excuses..excuses..excuses..

It’s so me..

Taking it to the last minute..
Why do I always do this, I wonder..hmm..
Really, this is one of my worst habit I kept on doing, again and again..
And I know, I always managed to pull it at the last minute..
But still, there’s always unnecessary sacrificies and unoptimal satisfaction..not to mention, my heart’s racing like crazy..

And then, I’ll do it again..and again..
Regrets always come afterwards..
That’s why, every time it happens..
Even though it made it through..
I always think back what happened until I got to this point..
And I always have the reasons..actually, they’re excuses..

Those pethetic so-called reasons are usually..
Because of my insensitivity of time..thinking I still got more than enough time..
but then something unexpected happened, that also needed attention..
So, there goes my time frame..

or because of my effort to be effective..
actually, it’s just simple lazyness..
thinking..I’ll do that on the way while I’ll do something else..
but then, it became to complicated to handle together..
So, there goes my effectiveness..

or..it’s because of my willing to try to do everything better..
which sometimes is more imaginative than real..
thinking..I still want to buy or do something first, before I do it..
but then, all the plannings get all carried away..
And there goes the plan..

See, I know where I went wrong..
And idiotically, I managed to repeat the same mistakes..again and again..
Maybe I just think to much..analyze to much..
Stop it!

OK!!
JUST GO!!!
DO IT!!!!

Me and exams..

I can’t do it!!!

I really suck on exams..
It’s like, either I just go blank..
or..I get dissoriented..
or..I lose concentration..

When it comes to exams
I’ve been like this,
since the first exam at school..
back in Elementary..
And it’s building it’s way up..
until now..

One minute, I know the answer
the next minute..I don’t..
On normal bases, I know all the answers..
but being underpressure, is something totally different..
That’s why, I really hate moments after the exams..
When the pressure’s off and I’m back normal, I’ll remember all the answers..
And I, at that moment, know all the stupid, unnecessary mistakes I did on the exam..
Which I can’t do anything about it anymore..

I think instead of studying, which will be useless when I’m underpressure,
I should’ve just done some meditating..to clear my memory..
or some workout..to increase my concentration

Well, maybe now..
my age is also a factor..
so, I can use that for my excuse.

.

Have We Grown?

When we’re still ‘kids’

When we’re still stubborn, self-centered, emotional, ignorant..

When we’re still naïve..

We did idiotic stuffs..

We did stuffs without thinking the long term effects..

Or sometimes without thinking at all..

We broke rules just for the fun of it..

We disobeyed our parents, teachers just to prove that we can..

At the end,

There are only 3 possibilities that would had happened..

First We got caught, and we’re forced to admit what we’ve done..

Second It just went away, we lost interest in doing it..

Third Conscious just hit us,

or maybe our conscious had been haunting us for sometime then..

or even from the time we started doing it

But still,

The damage has been done..

And the things left to do are..

Regret it, Feel sorry, and apologies..

Promise that we won’t do it ever again..

As we grew older..

We’re supposed to be more mature, more open-minded,..

We’re supposed to be wiser, more responsible,..

We’re supposed to be more tolerant, sensitive,..

But still..

Sometimes..

We still do things without thinking..

We still break rules..

We still disobey people..

Why? People do make mistakes..

Maybe we got carried away..

Maybe we misunderstood..

Or maybe we’re just plain stupid and ignorant..

But now we know the consequences..

The regret is even worse..

We know in a way..

Beside ourselves we also hurt other people in the process..

In purpose or not..

So help us God..

Heart

Your heart is an amazing thing..

Isn’t it?..
Although you’ve been giving your heart for so many people..
You still have more to give when someone needs it..
You still have more to give when you need to give it to someone else..

Your first one, is definitely your heart for your parents..
For me, my childhood memory, was my heart for my dad and step mom..
Before I was memorized about my late birth mom..
And amazingly I’ve been giving my heart as well for her ever since..
May she rest in peace..

My heart for
My sisters and brother..
My whole big family..
My friends,
the ones who just pass by through my life..
until the ones who stays longer..
and off course the ones who’ll stay forever..
My husband..
My kids..all 4 of them..
When I’ve just got one son,
When I thought I won’t be able to give my heart for anyone else..
We were blessed with our second son..
And that amazing heart has being given for him ever since..
So we just knew, when we were trusted with the twins..
We knew from the start, the heart can handle them..

When you give your heart to someone..
You practically be a part of them.. Your up is when they’re happy..
Your down is when they’re sad..
How amazing is that..

Because of that amazing fact..
It’s just logic that you have to be really careful..
Who do you give your heart for..
When do you give your heart..
How do you give your heart..

But most of the time..
It’s just not possible to do that..
It’s just impossible to be logic when your dealing with the heart..

So, the only thing that you can do
When you give your heart to someone is..
You’re giving it truly,
without no pretentious,
without asking for any returns whatsoever..
Unconditionally..
So, whenever something happens along the way..
Your heart will be just OK..

The power of the heart..

Which one's worse?

Have you ever got cut offed by someone..

Or
Have you ever got to deal cutting off someone..
Which one feels worse?
Which one is easier to go through?

Cutting of someone
It sounded really cold-hearted..
Even though when you did it,
You’ve already considered everything..
And unfortunately this is the only way to deal with it..

It sounded so unfair..
To reach to a decision by ourselves, without talking about it before with the person who’s involved

But, we’ve considered everything
And at the moment, in the end..it’s the best thing to do..

Though you know all the risk that will happen..
The hatred that you’ll get from the ones involved..
The questions that people will ask of your decision..
You still have to do it..

Now let’s put ourselves on the other side..
Being cut offed
Is a awfully terrible thing to deal with..
You didn’t see where it came from..
You have no idea when did it come..
It just hits you..
Like a lightning in the middle of a bright sunny day..
Because you’re not prepared for it, either you instantly collapse and die..but you don’t feel a thing..
Or..
You’re still standing strong, a bit wobbly but you’ll manage..and it hurts like crazy..

But, if you’re strong enough to get up again..
If you’re smart enough to think it again..
It’s not the end of the world..
Life goes on..
That was just not meant for you..
Yours is still there waiting for you to take it..
That was just one thing out of -I don’t know- many things that you have to go through to get to yours..

So, I have always believed that everything happens for a reason..
There’s no such thing as coincidence..
It’s all in a huge master plan..
That’s life..
You gotta take all the goods with all the bads..
Grateful for the goods and try to use it for the best..
Grateful for the bads and turn it to build strength to carry on..

Keep it up!!
You can do it!..
You’re doing great..

Snap out of it!!..
Get over it!..
Carry on..

Aaawww..so sweet..

It's a bit embarrassing..

OK.

Confession: I'm still so into the high school romance type of movie kinda thing..

I know!

Total embarrassment!

I don't give the damnest thing about the girly friendship, domination stuff..

I'll give the cool-mommy reaction..

I-know-it's-a-serious-matter-for-you concern..

I'll-stand-by-you-for-all-the-decisions-that-you-make attitude..

But deep down inside, you'll-grow-over-it feeling..

And there's-gonna-be-more-in-this-world-for-you assurance..

But! The boy ignorance that caught the girl attention thing..

The girl effort not to fall for the boy thing..

The boy liking the 'different' girl thing..

The 'different' girl gets the popular boy thing..

Really gets to me..

Oh dear me..

I get butterflies..

Whenever the boy talks to the girl and doesn't even realized about their feelings..

I nearly fainted..

Whenever the boy finally tells the girl about his feeling..

My heart stops a beat..

Whenever the girl expresses the same feeling that she kept in her for a long time..

I melt..

When they finally found each other..

I don't care, How cheesy it sounded like..

How such a bunch of crap it looked like..

I still fall for it! I keep on reminding myself..

It's a movie..

Unrealistic..

Make-believe..

Fantasy land..

So what! I want to be lied to..

I get my realistic life everyday..

So, The more mushy love..

The more"..aaaww" factor..

The more "soo..sweet.." epression..

The better..

Hahahaha..

Gimme more..please..

Finding Yourself..

Your peaceful place..

Have you found it?..

A place that you can find yourself..

Do we really gotta go across the world to do that?..

Hahaha.. Definitely! If u got the money.. :P

What a perfect excuse to find yourself..hihihi..

Call me stupid..

but How could you lose yourself in a place that u've never been to?

Hellooo..hahaha..

Well, I think the point is to getaway from all the routinity..

Away from work, From your kids, From your spouse, From everything and everyone that you know..

Hmmm.. Ok, let's rob a bank and go across the world then!.. Hahaha..

And, if you'd find yourself when you were somewhere out there..

If you get back home, will you lose yourself again?

Big possiblity, No..

Because you didn't find yourself at those places..

It's the experience..

The things that you do..

The people that interacted with you..

That made you find yourself..

So.. Let's try this again..

Fresh thoughts..

Focus!!

I think, You just have to open up yourself as wide as possible..

Try everything!

Things that have never crossed your mind before..

Interact with everyone!

Don't judge people and think that you're on a different level with them..

Read, browse,..

The world is in your hands..

Find a time in your everyday routine to do that..

Even if it's just for a moment..

Hmmm.. That's more like it..

It's making more sense now

A bit more realistic..

More doable..

And definitely more affordable.. Hihihi..

Let's do this!!

*Post watching EPL.. :)

The Freedom to Express Yourself..

In my humble opinion..

It's a good thing..

When you can express how you feel through words..

Either talk about it..

Or write about it..

When you're younger, And you're full with all these feelings..

Either you let it out passionately..

Or you write it down a diary, a journal, a poem,..

Anything..

The couple or more first times..

It will just burst out..

Uncontrollable..

But the more often you do it..

You'll grow..

You'll get better..

You'll be more selective on the words that you use..

And the more thinking that you do,

The more controllable your feelings will be expressed..

You'll learn that..

Anger doesn't always have to be expressed by yelling, cursing, or using bad words..

And sadness doesn't always have to be expressed by crying..

It's a process that you have to go through..

Enjoy expressing your feelings!

*A mom of growing up kids in the new era of expressing feelings through facebook, twitter, blogs,...

"Listening"

An interesting point of view from my single friend

Why do some guys always get the nicest girls..

Because they listen!!

This topic came up when we're talking about this guy who kept on getting models for girlfriends..

Even though he doesn't have the look for it..

So, a long girls talk came afterwards..

And the conclusion was..

He listens..

Girls talk

No need for advices..

No need for other opinions..

It's not that we don't listen to other thoughts..

But that's just the process we have to go through first..

We talk, and others..please listen!

Listening doesn't mean you can't talk to them..

Staying still there, and not talking at all is an insult as well..

Please talk along..

We'll discuss..

But don't cut in..

You'll be eaten alive..

Don't strongly disagree..

Show your sympathy..

Your concern..

Your support..

We're complicated, aren't we? Hahaha..

That's for us girls to be what we are..

And for them guys to figure us out..

Have fun trying it out..

Good Luck!

Paper Cut

Have you ever got a paper cut?
I get it all the time..
It takes you by surprise..
and It pisses you off..
But the hurt is bearable..
and in a couple of second,
it will go away..
or at least, you'll ignore it..

But, when you move the wrong way..
or when you treat it wrong..
or when you forget to ignore it..
The hurt comes back again..

Who are you going to blame?
The paper?
I don't think so..
After all, off course..it definitely didn't do anything
It's just being a paper...lol...silly!

Yourself?
Maybe..
Maybe you weren't careful enough..
Maybe you didn't concentrate enough..
..you lost guard

But, no worries..
It will go away..
It won't leave a scar..

But, Stop thinking of it..
You will feel the hurt back again..
every time you do..
Even if it's not there anymore..

So, next time..
Be careful..
Concentrate..
Don't lose guard..

But, if ever you get it again..
you know what you're dealing with..
you can handle it..
After all, we're only human..
We all make mistakes
every now and then..
deliberately or not..

And, it's paper cut!!
Come On!!
You've been hurt more than this..
OUCHH!!

WTF

Hate..
It's a strong word, don't you think?
Instead of saying,
I hate it..
Why don't they just say,
I really don't like it..

What made the difference?
What is it that pisses you out more from one thing to the other?
What do you really don't like and what do you hate?

Here's one..
When you've already tried your best..
Given all that you've got..
Making to dos list..
Checking it twice..three times..
Doing it by yourself..
No one's helping..
Not even offering to help..
Doing it overtime..
Not getting enough sleep
Going through everything..
Back and forth..up and down..
And still, you forgot to do one thing..
You missed something
Really don't like that!!

Even worse,
someone who's supposedly can help you..
but didn't, questions you about it..
Hate that!!!

OK, what about this..
When you've really tried hard to wrap things up..
Yell to people around you to chop - chop..
Even sacrificed something important..
And lied to people..
just to leave early..
and get to the place on time..
But the time you got there..
Other people who's also involved..
was sooo late..
Really don't like that!!

Worse scenario..
The thing was canceled..
because of all the lateness..
Hate that!!!

Ok..ok..ok..try this one..
You've been working your ass on it..
Pouring all of your energy, heart, mind and soul in it..
Done the researches..
Gone through your trial and errors..
Read, browse, ask people,
compare with other works..
Then, when you finally finished it..
and going to show it..
Someone else has got the similar idea..
Really don't like that!!

And to make it worse..
That person got to show it first..
and got all the credits for it..
Hate that!!!

This one's sucks the most..
When you know you're doing something you're not supposed to..
But you do it anyway..
You took the chance..
You only live once..
and maybe it won't come again..
So, it's worth doing..
You willingly took all the risk..
Knew all the consequences..
Even though..
Everyone and everything around you kept on giving sign..
You ignored it..
And when it finally gone bad..
It hits you hard..
Really don't like that!!

The feeling that you're so stupid
because you had known better..
but you still did it..
The feeling that everyone are now saying..
"I told you so.."
even if they don't say it to your face..
HATE THAT!!!

But shit happens, right?
What don't kill you, makes you stronger..

And all of that are situational, aren't they?
You can't hate the person who's involve..
They were just the right person in the right place at the right time..
or in this case.. the wrong one..
And don't you dare hate yourself..
You did the best that you could do that time..
or at least, you thought you did..

Just take a deep breath..
Inhale..exhale..inhale..exhale..
Deep ones...deeper ones..the deepest one..
Take your time..
Don't keep trying to analyze it..
Lay back..
Make peace with yourself..

InsyaAllah..
You'll get over it..
You'll survive..
It'll be your living experience..
It'll be your guidance..
Amiiin..

Inhale...exhale..

The Windows to your Heart..

Eyes are the windows to your heart..
Can't argue about that one..
How hard I try to fake it..
How hard I try to disguise it..
My eyes just can't lie..

I'm this type of person
Who faces almost everything with a smile..
Who laughs almost all the time..

Good times and bad times..
Really..
Some people thinks that as the insensitivity of me..
But, not being insensitive or anything..
It's just the way I express how I feel when I'm happy..
It's the way I release the stress or pain when I'm sad..
And it's also the way to cover up..
when I'm sad..
from people I don't want to know..

People who knows me better,
will notice..
The harder I laugh..
Either I'm so happy..
Or I'm stressed out..

But people who knows me the best,
can tell..
Which laughter is which..
From my eyes..

And the people closest to me..
is getting better and better..
in reading my eyes..

I'm looking for other ways to cover things up..
Well, I can't wear sunglasses all the time..
Colored contact lenses don't help as much..

Don't make eye contact..
Start to blab about other exciting stories..
Get them to talk about their problems..

Just want to make the people around me..
feels happiness whenever I'm around..
feels great listening, looking, and having me around..

So, eyes..
Please..
Give me a break here..
Work with me..
Help me over here..