My 'Memories' of Her..

Maybe I was 2..
when she passed away..
I really don't remember..
at all..

No memories of her..
Not the way she looks..
Not the way she talks..
Not the way she walks..
Nothing..
at all..

I always build up my own imagination of her..
Trying to put every pieces together..

Everyone who knows her tells me...
I resemblance her.. exactly
Ok...she's pretty then...^_^

She's got 3 sisters...
My aunts..love them dearly..
They all have this resemblance to one another..
I picture her...
talking like them..
walking like them..
Ok..she's cool then..

There are 5 brothers of hers..
My uncles...respect them truly..
They're all kind..
They're all 'crazy'..
I picture her..
acting like them..
laughing like them..
Ok..she's fun then..

So..
I had this pretty, cool, fun mom
who passed away when I was 2..
who I don't have any memories of..
that I practically don't know anything about..

But, why..
every time people talk about her..
every time I go to her grave..
every time someone I just know ask about her..
..my voice starts trembling

Why..
on my graduation day..
on my umroh days..
on my wedding day..
every time I give birth to my sons
every time every each of my kids turns 2..
even now..
..tears are in my eyes

Why..
when my first son reminds me to pray..
when my second son says a prayer for mommies..
when the twins sing a song for mommies..
..something hurts deep in my heart

All the big moments..
until all the small stuffs..
Really don't know why...

I think..
having no memories of her..
is the thing that make me feels this way...

Ibu..
Wish I had known u...
My prayers are always with u..
Looking forward to see u in heaven...^_^

mia, 2009